Life write the words but you choose your own melody

Wow, it's been a while since I posted in this blog. So much has happened since my last post. I quit my horrible bakery job, got a job doing crew putting on rock shows at camps for 6 weeks this summer, finished up my first semester of junior year, visited my best friend in Fredonia, gone on some great hikes, but most importantly, heard the new Rocket Summer album and bought tickets to see him in Baltimore and Virginia at the end of the month.

It's been a long two years since the last TRS album came out during my freshman year of college. I was miserable in Fredonia, still a photo major, and had no idea where my life was headed. The entire Of Men and Angels album always reminds me of bus rides back and forth between Buffalo and New York. It makes me a bit nostalgic in a love/hate sense, but now it's time for a new album.

Bryce has done it again, blown us all away and this time he did it all on his own. Forget major labels and even indie labels- he recorded this in Texas, produced, wrote and of course played all instruments on the album even the typewriter and trashcans. The credits even state "Additional recording in Bryce's attic". Clearly Bryce Avary doesn't let anybody take advantage of him or try and control his music. He's got the drive and talent to do it on his own.... with a little help from his fans of course ;) I've been with him and this family of fans for seven years and as difficult as my life was in high school, having The Rocket Summer was always something I could turn to when my friends failed to be there for me. Not to say that I don't have friends, but there were a great deal of turbulent times between us in high school and blasting The Rocket Summer, looking forward to new albums and shows has given me happiness. And now that I've got a wonderful group of solid friends, it's even better to be able to share the love.

I began listening to the new album, Life Will Write the Words last night on June 5th at 8pm. I didn't stop until 5am. I'm still listening to it now. I also gave up my tickets to see Jukebox the Ghost on June 22nd at Bowery Ballroom to make the trip down to Richmond, Virginia to see Bryce instead. And I'll be going to Baltimore the next night. Wish I could go to NYC, Philly, and Boston, but I'll be in Florida those days. It's okay though because I've never been to Richmond or seen Bryce in Maryland so it will be an adventure. Oh, the adventures I go on for this guy.... I'd never trade them for the world. So once again, thanks to the greatest musician I know.

Life write the words but you choose your own melody
Yes, life has given me hurt, but I choose my own melody
And sometimes it's that sad, sad song I'm singing all my day long
I'm just trying, trying to find the right notes

Do what you love and fuck the rest

Yesterday a had a really horrible day and part of it was my job at a bakery. The only reason that I have continued to work in the food industry is that it was the only place I had experience in. But this year, that changes. I won't go into detail, but let's just say that one of the owners called me up screaming at me and insulting me. That was the final straw and I decided that I couldn't take this abuse anymore so I rationally told her that I don't appreciate the way that she treats me as well as everybody else. She continued to defend herself, but really there was nothing she could say to convince me that she did anything right so I told her that I was giving her my two weeks. I thought this would happen in an angry way, but honestly I am so happy to know that I will be out of there soon. My advice to everybody is never to do anything just for the money if you absolutely hate it. There is no point in being miserable for money. There is always a way out of it. There's so much out there for me, so many opportunities and this was not one of them. Onwards to better things!

Best Apartment Show Ever (featuring Coyote Campus + Rotten Jazz Quartet)

March 28th was my 21st birthday. I take my birthdays very seriously (or shall I say excitedly and not-seriously because I like to have fun)! This year I knew that I had to do something great. In the end, I went to a bar at midnight and didn't do much the day of my actual date of birth besides take a midterm and go to class. But I am completely satisfied because I had the best birthday party celebration I could ever ask for 4 days before on Saturday night. For the longest time I have wanted to have a show in my living room and at the beginning of the semester I made the decision that I was going to make it happen. Fortunately enough for me there are some amazing bands at this school, in fact one of them is in my top 5 favorite bands. And I was lucky enough to get them to play in my living room for my early birthday party.

So a few years down the road when you're asking me "hey have you heard of those amazing new bands that just got big, Rotten Jazz Quartet and Coyote Campus", my answer will be "yes, they played in my living room for my 21st birthday". 

To everybody that came out and danced, sang, moshed, drank and made my floor almost cave in, I LOVE YOU ALL. Let's do it again soon!

I'm looking at somebody I went to Fredonia with and notice he now looks completely different, lives across the country and clearly is not working in the field he truely wants to go into. I mean, I don't know all that much about him through his facebook, but I can get an idea. The point is that it's crazy how you have no idea where you will be down the road. Hell, even a few months. Last semester doesn't seem like that long ago, yet at the same time it seems like a lifetime ago. I cared about things that I do not give one fuck about anymore, just a mere 3 months ago. You know how my friends at the beginning of 2012 were almost completely different than the beginning of 2011? Well, I've made so many new friends this semester that I don't even remember which ones I didn't know last year! I'm making connections and loving my life and listening to the Jonas Brothers right now. Yes, you read correctly. Life is good.

Junior Year

This semester has been so good to me and it's only 2 and a half weeks in. I have class 2 days a week but I've been ridiculously busy still. I now have a job at a bakery 2/3 days a week and booking shows for the co-op is so much more time consuming than I thought... but in the most wonderful way ever. I've got people emailing me all over to come and playing as well as the bands I've contacted myself. Thank god I got an iphone the first week of school because I find myself needed to answer emails all over the place. In class, in bed, in the shower- just kidding about the last one. But it's fun work. It is beginning to get a bit overwhelming when I get people being rude to me, but it's part of the job. And I finally understand how people can be workaholics. So far I haven't had much schoolwork in classes except for blogging (not this blog, but another one I've made for my radio show). I'm sure I will begin to get more mostly in Junior Seminar. In that class I've decided on a topic for my senior project. I've also discovered what I really want to do, which I don't even think I realized last semester. I want to book shows for a venue. I want to scout out the talent, and contact them and book them. I don't want it to sound like all fun and games and that I'll get to book all bands that I love. My teacher who worked in the music industry for years says she had to work on a lot of projects she wasn't interested in, but in the end she definitely sounds like she's enjoyed it. Everything feels so right this semester. I've never been happier and I want to make this last. And to end this happy post I will add my new favorite musician and Purchase student whose music I cannot listen to without smiling.

I want to write a memoir. I want to write a screenplay for a great movie. I want to film a movie. I want to write in a well known blog. I want to fly a plane. I want to become physically fit. I want to promote artists. I want to book shows. I want to discover a big band. I want to own a venue. I want to go on urban explorations around the world. I want to experience different culture. I want so many things, but I don't know how to make them happen.

2012

I have a lot that I want to do this year, but I'm making my main priority setting the stepping stones to what I want to do for the rest of my life. And one month into the year I am living up to it. Before school even started I booked my first co-op show, took the initiative to be the one intern to set up a table at Clubs Night and got a few people interested in volunteering and coming to the show, as well as one of my mom's music students asking if she could sing at a show & two RAs interested in doing a 50's diner event in February. I've got two bands from the city in mind for another show and I am going to apply for internships like crazy for the summer. And while this isn't relevant to what I want to do, I did get a part time job at a bakery to make some extra cash.


And most importantly.... I've decided that I am going to run for General Programming Coordinator next year which is a huge job, but if somehow I managed to get it I would have an A+++ position to put on my resume and plus it's paid! But most importantly I'D BE BOOKING SHOWS BIGGER THAN THE CO-OP. But I have decided that if I really want to do this I have to get to know the girl who has been GPC for the past two years and really get to know the ropes. Even if I don't end up getting it, I've been told by a former Co-op Events Coordinator that she helped out the GPC with her events.

This year is going to be a good one, I can feel it.

Nearing the end

December 21st. I can never believe it when the year is almost over. I still don't even think I realized it until today. In a week and a day I will be on my way up to Fredonia to spend New Years, two days later with Chelsea. 2012 is one week and four days away. That means it is almost time for my yearly review in pictures! I think that I started a blogger at the end of last year and my yearly review was the first or second post. Actually, that feels like ages ago. I can't even believe that was one year ago. The people that were in my life in 2010 are probably 80% different than those of 2011. With the exception of I want to say, three people, minus family, my friends are completely different.

So here I sit on a bus to Massachusetts last minute because I have awesome friends who are willing to pay for me to visit them when we haven't seen each other in a while. I always think my time off from school is going to be boring, but so far Winter Break has been pretty awesome starting with contra dancing in Brooklyn, The Rocket Summer, amazing chicken wings, exploring an Letchworth Village, making cookies, and now contra dancing in Massachusetts. This weekend is Christmas which I get to spend with both my mom and the wonderful Collins Family. Early next week me and my mom are having a Channukah party and two days later it's off to Fredonia, back home with Chelsea and then back  up here to New England with her, and then there is only 2 weeks left of break! I have a good life.

Happy is all that you make me

Last night I saw The Rocket Summer for the sixteenth time. He played all of Calendar Days and Hello Good Friend, his first two albums. As usual it was amazing. The fans were singing and dancing, I made new friends, there was confetti and I finally got to dance onstage during a song. The show itself was great, but afterwards we had some huge issues with the venue. Now we were downstairs, in the Studio which is a small room basically. But at 11pm on a Saturday Webster Hall turns into a dirty, disgusting nightclub and I guess they wanted to open up the Studio room too. Well it started with fans waiting in line to buy merch and the security yelling at us to get out when we were clearly waiting to buy merch. They even had the nerve to say "you should have bought it before" and to yell at Tara who was going as quickly as she could. We get outside and wait about an hour for Bryce in the smoking area on the street, because if you wait on "their" sidewalk they scream at you. Once Bryce comes out there was a big crowd of people including him in the smoking area. After about a half hour, a big security guard out of nowhere starts yelling at us to get out saying "I asked you three times to move. We have a permit for this area and you need to let paying customers stand here" ....but wait, didn't we all just pay for tickets to see The Rocket Summer here (who probably gets like 10% of those ticket sales). Yes, we did. But they didn't care. Bryce politely said he'd try and move and that he was only asked once to move (I don't think they even asked once). He did absolutely nothing wrong and the security guard picked him up and shoved him towards the sidewalk. Standing right next to him, I couldn't even believe my eyes. I was ready to fight for him too, but I knew that wouldn't do anything. We eventually moved down the block, but I am still furious about this as is he and the rest of the people there. He definitely said he is never playing at Webster Hall again nor will any of his fans ever go back there. I sent them a complaint email and facebook wall post. I hope they don't treat other bands that way. But it was still a great night and I am so happy that I got to see him and this special show. He said he is doing a college tour in March, so I'm just hoping more than anything there will be a reachable one for me around my birthday!

I seriously love this guy until the very end, which I hope doesn't come anytime in the near future. I've been seeing him for almost 5 years live and listening to him for 6 and a half. Looking forward to seeing him even if I don't know when the next show will be is always such a great thing and I don't even want to imagine my life without that.


Because I can hear the memory in my ears
Back to the years and all those tears
But hear me when I'm glad cause we're here

<3

The adventures of Guy Noir

Tonight I am sitting in my room with my Christmas lights on, listening to last night's show of Prarie Home Companion and regretting not getting tickets for me and my mom. Every year I say that I will make her Chanukah present tickets to see it in December since they do a few shows at Town Hall each year, but they go on sale in September and sell out pretty quick so come November it's too late. One year, I swear I will do it. But seriously, this show is so great. I forget to listen to it a lot, but it's such a perfect thing to listen to cozied up to a cup of hot chocolate in your bed on a Saturday night. Too bad I'll be out the next three Saturday nights.... but yeah, radio variety shows are amazing. I wish people still listened to the radio instead of watched tv.

GOOD THINGS IN THE NEAR FUTURE

•I am officially the Events Coordinator Intern for the Co-op for the Spring 2012 semester (!!!!!!)
•The other interns elected are awesome too and I can't wait to work with them
•Math presentation/class is done
•Proposal for Fundraising is (pretty much) done
•Playlist for my last radio show of the semester tomorrow is set and will be awesome
•Making another $38 tomorrow for sitting in place for 2 hours
•Christmas presents are (almost) all bought
•Friday I might have a job interview in the city
•Pancake madness tomorrow night at d-hall
•I get my very own key to the co-op tomorrow night (!!!)

and most importantly....


THE ROCKET SUMMER IN 10 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^^no parentheses needed there for those exclamation points.

Yes whatever else may be, may my friends remember me

I know I have said this so many times, but looking back on my life freshman year of college I have changed so much and become so much happier. I never really felt like I was getting the real college experience in Fredonia, but here... oh my god. I remember walking around pointless one Friday night in Fredonia trying to find something to do on campus but there was literally nothing and we all ended up just going back to our dorms. At Purchase, that never happens. There is ALWAYS something going on here or at least people outside hanging out at every hour of the day and into the late night. And as I type, I hear people yelling outside at 2am on a Sunday night. This weekend was the second to last weekend of the semester and I had a great one. Friday night I had a few people over and we drank Sex on the Beach and danced the choreography to American Idiot. We then proceeded to go to a Latinos Unidos party where the walls were sweating and there was melted, watery pina coladas. We left that and ended up at The New at what was a black light party but had fizzled down to more of a drunk social gathering outside. Made some new friends there as usual.

Saturday I had an ugly sweater party planned. I've always wanted to have a party but never had been able to since I live in a small, cramped apartment with my mom. Not a crazy wall sweating party, but a nice get together with a decent amount of people that it isn't just a bunch of people having beer and snacks on a Saturday night. I invited a good amount of people, because I figure if you have 20 people telling you that they will attend, it is really more like 10. Ashley and April came up/down for it first and we set up. Then another friend came with his friend. Then some toolface came. As much as I want to hate him, even my friends did enjoy his company and joked he was "the life of the party". Another one of my friends came with two of his friends, one of my roommate's friends brought three and at one point I think we had 15 people. Several people texted me the next day saying that they had fun and thanks for inviting them. There were even a few people who couldn't make it but did text me apologizing for not making it but hoped it was fun. The fact that people enjoyed my party really made me happy and motivated to do it again next semester. And somehow in between all this, I still managed to finish my five page grant proposal for class that is due Tuesday. Now I will end this post with some lovely pictures from this crazy weekend....

Realizations of tonight in bullet formation

•Running is actually additive
•Eating healthy is possible
...minus that one meal of stuffing myself with wings at d-hall
•Getting somebody to swipe me in for free is possible (but Wacky Wings Wednesdays ONLY)
•I CAN set goals for myself and achieve them.
•I CAN accept no for an answer.
•I CAN push myself to do what I want to do...and more.
•I can make around my portion of the Loop when it's 40 degrees and windy...
and just for a moment imagine that the sound of the Blind Brook is the sound of the the Gulf of Mexico and the softness of my boots are the soft sand and that the street lights are actually the light of the moon reflecting off the ocean and the lights of the Alumni apartments in the distance are the lights of Sanibel Arms apartments.

Oh yeah and....

•Parties do happen on a Wednesday night on G Street at Purchase
•Squeezed orange in seltzer would be great
•I can compile enough old blogs and diary entries to put together a memoir of my life
•I am not too young to achieve my childhood dreams (I feel like I should be older before I can do such a thing)
•There is no reason that I cannot start something that will be handed down to other people
•Within just a few hours being high can go from being giggly and happy, to having a conversation with my mom that puts me in a bad mood, to literally having the feeling like my head is going to unscrew/strange pangs in my head/wanting to just fall asleep, to having absolutely brilliant and innovative ideas and thoughts, to coming down from it but still having these extremely reflective thoughts

DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME TO COME OVER ONLY FOR ME TO GET THERE FIVE MINUTES LATER TO YOU COMPLETELY PASSED OUT WITH A BOTTLE OF WINE ON THE TABLE.... I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN IT LIKE YOU SAID NOT TO.

DONE

DONE

DONE.

Why you say wait

Today I was in a generally good mood. But then one event that annoys me totally turns my mood around. I get out of class at noon on Tuesdays and Fridays so I usually don't have much to do, so I figured I'd go to the mall and look for some cheap gifts for friends for the holidays. I wanted to go with somebody else just because I've been spending a lot of time alone since I got back to school. I texted several people asking and of course the only one who answers is the person who I've been referencing to in my last posts. I asked if he'd be ready in a half hour around 2 and he said yes. No response from him until 3:30 when he said he made an appointment to Apple for 5:10. I said I wanted to go soon though and said to come over... half hour later he still isn't here or answering his phone. So I left and another half hour later he says he didn't see my text (or get my two calls? yeah, okay). I got a few gifts and came back to my roommate finishing up making homemade chili, so I tried a little bit and it was delicious. But a half hour later I hear my stomach yelling at me for it. I don't understand why A) People can't just come when they say they will or at least tell you they'll be late when you make definite plans for a specific time B) WHY MY STOMACH WON'T LET ME EAT ANYTHING ANYMORE. I suppose it is a good thing because it forces me to eat healthy, but even slightly bad food is making me sick. Oh and did I mention that I tried on a pair of size 7 jeans and they didn't fit me? Eating healthy better actually help me lose weight.... Ugh. /rant

You can get anything you want

As I drive down 684 frustrated with my lack of music due to a dead phone and two broken ipods I find myself resorting to the radio. So I put my radio scan on to find anything decent to listen to for the next 40 minutes. After a few minutes, about to give up and drive in silence, I hear a guitar and some catchy folk music playing on the channel 90.7. What is this I wonder? Because it sounds great. A live performance. I even like this music enough to look it up later. Finally they announce that it's WFUV, Fordham University's public radio. I get home and continue to listen on the radio inside and look more into the radio. I don't really understand if this has any students on air, because clearly these shows are older, well known people hosting the shows. But the fact that they get 350,000 listeners per week in the tri-state area, and the signal reaches as far as Northern Westchester is pretty impressive. And this is a non-commercial radio station too. Once again here comes that word '501C3 non-profit organization'. And links to more of them from their site. I hear them mention something called "Outpost in the Burbs" and ask listeners to please find out more, so I do. And what are they? "A nonprofit outreach organization dedicated to building community through music, community service, and cultural programs"...based in Northern Jersey. All volunteer run, they started as a coffeehouse and put on shows and events with folk singers and other artists. This is the type of thing that I want to spend my life being apart of, but the problem is this is all the way in Montclair, New Jersey. I mean technically that isnt too far, maybe 25 miles....plus a $12 toll across the Hudson River, gas money, and traffic. I just don't understand why New York City, Long Island, and New Jersey are so culturally rich with these organizations but Westchester, no. What do we have? Yeah, we have the Westchester County Center, Neuberger Art Museum right at Purchase... but where are our local arts organizations building a community through music. I just don't understand. Westchester supports all this fancy smancy art and concerts, but nothing local. Honestly, I think about this every single day. What do I want to do in life? How do I do it? I take classes on this. I mean I have a textbook and a class teaching me to write grants, and create special events....maybe I should start paying attention. Because that, is what I want to do. Start a community here in Westchester. For young musicians and artists, a place where they can be themselves, have people support them, feel like they belong. This is all I want. I will do it. As much as I want to move to San Francisco, to Toronto, or to Manhattan.... Westchester County is my home and I've got pride for this place.

I'm on top of the world

I love The Killers so much. Watching their live DVD makes me want to sing my voice off and dance and cry and smile all day. While I watch them I think that nobody can compare...but wait! Then I put on The Rocket Summer and get excited to see Bryce for the 16th freakin' time in 23 days play his entire first two albums and I want to cry of joy. And even though Billie Joe is a pizza face, I really do love Green Day. They were my first favorite band. I've seen them uhh.. 14 times now? I can't keep track but they mean the world to me. And Frank Turner...well I've already written several blogs in the past two months of how much I love him. How did I get so lucky to find not one, not two, or three but FOUR bands that make me feel this way? I'm a lucky girl <3

There's a beautiful ending but you're never gonna read the book

Disregard some of that last blog.

I finally believe in sexual relations with friends without an emotional connection.
Certain things can get frustrating, but honestly so much better than a relationship at this point.
Nobody said this has to be perfect.

Welcome to Thanksgiving break

First break since Labor Day. Not that I haven't taken my own personal breaks. Well actually, I've only missed each of my three classes once each (it's a record!). I have been home once in the past two weeks and I don't think I've slept in my bed at home in three or four weeks. My hamster hasn't been out of his cage in a week or two either and he is running in a circle in his ball. My air conditioner is still in and I feel the November air coming through the window. It feels like just two months ago I had my cousin put IN that air conditioner. I can't believe winter break is in three weeks. What the fuck? After another frustrating night last night with a certain stupid boy, I realized I need to just stop trying. I need to stop being so desperate. Clearly he is an ass and doesn't give a shit. I mean really all I want is somebody to sleep with, I don't want a relationship. But at the same time I shouldn't do that with somebody as shitty as him. He just cares about himself and is bad news bears. No more of him when I get back from break. Now I'm going to make some dumplings and lay in my wonderful big cloud of a bed.

Fuuuadksjhfalkjfhasd

I understand that guys people are dicks. I get that it is your horrible nature beg me to stay the night and then the next week make me walk home in the rain at 4am. To say rude things to me or tell me to stop talking and when I tell you to shut up you go all alpha male and accuse ME of being rude for telling you to stop being rude. But I don't understand how you can be all touchy feely with me one night and refuse to touch me the next day. Or to refuse to lay, or even sit on the bed with me while we're watching a movie and to go so far as to sit in your chair all night while I'm in your bed. Or to throw me another pillow when I try to put my head on yours (note: not even close to yours). Or to move forward when I put a tiny section of my hand touching your back or arm or any part of your body. I know you have a girlfriend, and it's not like I'm looking to be yours, I just wanna fuck and maybe cuddle a little but really I just want to fuck.
I get it, you are  have a dick, so just fucking use it! 


You already cheated on her and you clearly don't feel bad because you won't even admit to me you have a girlfriend, so why won't you just do it? The only thing you've implied that you might possibly be interested in me since the night we hooked up was when I joked "I'm a whore for cheese...I'd have sex for cheese" and you replied "I'll keep that in mind". YEAH, THAT IS RIGHT YOU HAD BETTER.