Drove out to California, straight through the desert of Arizona, sweet Texas I'll kiss ya, hope to be back but now I gotta leave you.

I would rather drive across the country and sleep in my car every night than do anything I'm doing or learning in school right now. And my classes aren't even that bad. That's just how much I crave adventure and motion. I cannot stay in one place. I just can't do it. I hate it. I really do. Why can't somebody just take me on tour?

Cause you deserve the very best

I have a lot of friends. But they all live far away. Trying not to be negative here.... but out of all of my friends who I want to see, the closest geographically is 30 miles away. The farthest is 640 miles. Another one is 409 miles. And then there's a few that are 70, 80, 90 miles away and one is 186 miles away. Honestly, it's going to be hard to force myself to stay here this coming weekend even though I won't be here Thursday night into Friday and will be out Saturday for the night. Friends, please stop being so far away. Life with limited friends in your general vicinity is hard :(

I keep having dreams of things I need to do

You know when you see one of your favorite bands live and you scream sing your heart out, find yourself just staring up the stage in amazement and happiness, and everything is perfect no matter what is going on in your life? Tonight was one of those. Thank you, Frank Turner. Thank you for an amazing night, and for amazing music and inspiration and for listening to my mix CD I made for you on repeat (even if it was only because you had no other CDs) and for just being you. I am so glad that you have become one of my favorite musical artists and that you and your music are apart of my life<3

Everything will be alright

How is it possible that things can go from being so shitty to absolutely wonderful in the matter of an hour? Before I left for class I was feeling pretty down about not having a lot of friends at school. By the end of class I had an email saying that I can move into an on campus apartment on Wednesday, a voicemail for an interview at a coffee shop I put an application in weeks ago for that I'd love to work at, and Frank Turner is now in Connecticut! This week is busy, busy for me indeed.

I got friends in high and low places

I had such a wonderful weekend. Friday night I drove up to Greenfield, Massachusetts and went to the famous contra dance there. It was definitely one of the better dances I've been to. During the break I called my friend and found out she would be coming to the dance in New Haven the next day along with her sister, so during the dance in Greenfield as great as it was, I was also excited about the next night. That night I went back to my friend's house... well more like cabin shack in the middle of nowhere Vermont and we watched The Shining until 3am, went to bed, woke up and got a delicious lunch at a diner nearby. I think that was actually the first time I'd been to Vermont, and it was only about 20 minutes in from the Massachusetts border but it was still the middle of nowhere. But beautiful, and I'm excited to go back and see it in October once the leaves have really started changing. Around 1:30, I hit the road and in two and a half hours I made it to Brewster, picked up my friend, went to pick up her sister at the subway in the Bronx and booked it to New Haven. There was an accident somewhere near New Milford on 95 (when is there not?) and I made it a point to go on local roads to get around it. Not sure if it actually made it quicker, but we made it to the dance with just enough time to get a little bit of the beginners class in for my friends. At first I had trouble getting them to find a partner, but I think by the middle they seemed to feel a little bit more comfortable and definitely looked like they were having fun. I know I sure was, and seeing my friends enjoying something that I love made me smile even more. And after going to six dances within the past year (it's hard for me to believe that it's really only that few...I feel like I must be missing some, but maybe not), I finally feel like I can consider myself experienced at my seventh contra dance. I can most definitely say that I am addicted to it and love it, even though I've never danced in the same city twice (but that will change within the next few weeks!).

Speaking of the next few weeks, I have dances in all different cities planned for the next five weekends. This Friday is a dance on a boat in Brooklyn, Saturday is the Chinatown dance (which I have a free pass for from my first dance ever last year). The following week no contra dances, but I think I am going to a swing dance Thursday in New Paltz. The next week, my bestest friend ever who got me to love this wonderful thing is coming down to visit and we're going to Greenfield on Friday and Stamford on Saturday. Following that is Fall Ball in New Hampshire which is 12 hours of dancing on Saturday. Then finally I will be visiting my friend in Rhode Island and bringing her along to a dance near her. By the end of October I will have danced in 7 cities, 5 states, and 2 countries (and that's not including English & Swing dances!). I am really glad that I am doing this because I've met some great friends and gone on some amazing adventures from doing it. Not having friends at school gets extremely frustrating and lonely during the week, but I am so excited and happy that I have such great friends everywhere else and I get to visit them on the weekends. Oh and not to mention that Tuesday I'm seeing Frank Turner again with two friends!! I just want to skip the next few weeks and go straight to the weekends!

Do you want to get away, get in the car we can leave today

Just give me unlimited fuel for both me and my car for the rest of my life and I'll be happy.
I can't take being alone in this town. I don't really have the money for it, but I'm going to Massachusetts/Vermont to go contra dancing tonight and visit my friend. I'll go crazy if I just sit here all night. More later.

There is no god

Brothers and sisters, have you heard the news?
The storm has lifted and there’s nothing to lose,
So swap your confirmation for your dancing shoes,
Because there never was no God.
Step out of the darkness and onto the streets,
Forget about the fast, let’s have a carnival feast,
Raise up your lowered head to hear the liberation beat,
Because there never was no God.

There is no God,
So clap your hands together,
There is no God,
No heaven and no hell.
There is no God,
We’re all in this together,
There is no God,
So ring that victory bell.

No cowering in the dark before these overbearing priests,
Not waiting until we die until we restitute the meek,
No blaming all our failings on imaginary beasts,
Because there never was no God.
No fighting over land your distant fathers told you of,
Not spilling blood for those who have never spread a drop of blood,
No finger pointing justified by fairies up above,
Because there never was no God.

There is no God,
So clap your hands together,
There is no God,
No heaven and no hell.
There is no God,
We’re all in this together,
There is no God,
So ring that victory bell.

And I know you’re scared of dying man and I am too,
But just pretending it’s not happening isn’t gonna see us through,
So just accept that there’s an end game and we haven’t got much time,
And then in the here and now we can try and do things right.
Forget about the crazy things that people have believed,
And think of wondrous things that normal people have achieved,
‘Cos I’ve known beauty in the stillness of cathedrals in the day,
I sang Glory Hallelujah! Won’t you wash my sins away?
But now I’m singing my refrain and this is what I say,
I say there never was no God.

I love this song. Frank Turner, you complete me. I am getting really frustrated on this topic. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion, and this is mine:

I don't understand how you can say that a figure in history controls your life and actions. I mean, if "god" was a real thing or person, why on earth is it depicted in so many different ways? A person or figure is one definite body or structure. Nothing is everywhere except oxygen. And even if you believe all the stories, how can you say that this god thing is what gives you the power to do great things? Everything we do has to do with our own willpower and talent that WE are born with or acquire. It is your passion and drive. Not your belief and dedication to this figure. It just makes me extremely uncomfortable and annoyed when people tell me to "pray for them". Especially when it's for something having to do with their work or art. No, I'm not going to fucking pray for you to do well with your art. That's up to you to create beautiful work, make contacts to come to see your art, and simply have the passion for what you do. Yes, other people may influence your work, but when it comes down to it, those things are dependent on YOU, not anybody or anything else. I don't have an issue with people believing what they want, but I really don't think I could ever be close friends with somebody who is extremely religious. I don't think I could handle hearing so much about how jesus and god has saved them and affected them. Believe what you want, but I think it's all a load of crap and I don't think I'd get along well with people with such strong beliefs the opposite of me. Actually, I can't even think about this anymore, it frustrates me so much.

$$$

Money is such a pain, and I feel like I'm always thinking about it. With a few exceptions, every transaction I can see in my bank account has been at gas stations, food establishments, the MTA, and CVS. That means 90% of my money goes to gas/transportation, food and my medications. I feel like I spend so much money and other people probably judge me for it, but honestly, none of it is material items. They are all experiences. My money goes to traveling and eating out, which is technically an experience. And I hate being home, I love being out on the go, which involves spending money, which is why it's so hard to not spend it. My money from my last job is all gone, but fortunately I was able to get some money from selling my ipod and my mom gave me some for the month. The unfortunate side is that 100 of it must go to a ticket. Driving can be a pain in the ass sometimes, as much as I love it. Hopefully I'll be getting a new job soon (fingers crossed the one I just interviewed for calls me back!). But at the same time, I hope that won't ruin my weekends that I now have free to go out and have fun. Well, we shall see soon.

Something to live for

This past week has been pretty busy for me with class, internship, trip to Borders to spend the last of my money on books 70% off, random drive to New Haven, job interview, day at the lake, contra and English dances. But it was yesterday, while I was tubing on Candlewood Lake with my whole family watching me laughing, how great my life is. How lucky I am to have this wonderful family who invites me to their house to go swimming, tubing, takes me to a restaurant on a boat, and even adores my best friend. When I get there, they are excited to see me and when I leave they tell me to come back whenever I want. And while I was on the tube bouncing up and down from the waves, I found myself looking up at the sky and appreciating this beautiful, early, still warm September day. I thought about all of this. About everything I have. Okay, so I have had a lot of friends come and go in my life, and I don't have a significant other and not a lot of friends at my school, but I've got so many people that love me. The past year I think I have done a lot of growing up, and came to a lot of great realizations. It was the first year that I was at home and not being forced to go to school (meaning high school). Everything in my life the past year that I've done, I chose to do. I've made a lot of friends and become a lot closer to my family and realized how much they mean to me. 

Yesterday was just one of those days that I felt extremely productive. I left the house at 9:45 in the morning, went for a job interview that I think I did pretty well at, got up to my aunt and uncle's lake house right before noon, spent some time just hanging out on the dock with my little cousins, had lunch, went swimming in the pond, went tubing on the lake, spent at least 45 minutes just being silly and laughing until my stomach hurt with my 13 year old cousin and the 8 year old twins, went to the Red Rooster and they bought me dinner, went straight to Stamford for a contra dance at which I knew nobody. So I may have spent my day with people three times as old as me and kids half my age, but it was a great one.

Stop pacing around and waiting for some moment that might never arrive

This year is going to be different, and I know I say that every year but this time I mean it. While I haven't really made any new friends, within the first week of school I've walked up to 50 strangers for signatures to put myself into the ballot for school senate, put an application in for the school radio to either have a radio show or intern, found out I am second on the wait list for housing (although two weeks later I still haven't moved up...), gotten two As and an 85 (on a pop quiz I was totally unprepared for), and I've even hung out with some old friends from high school who also go here. This year I am going to get involved and I'm going to get my grades up. I say I will never be an A student but maybe I can. Or at least a B+ student. In my honest opinion, a huge part of college and the most useful part about it isn't the information that you  learn in classes, but the people you meet. Connections. I think that is the key to success.

Yes, I am bummed that I have not yet met anybody new who I'd actually keep in close contact with, but I am not going to let that get me down. I am going to look on the bright side. I do have one or two friends on campus and their friends. That is a start. After all, that is how you meet people quite often- through mutual friends. That is how I met both of my ex boyfriends, through other friends/friend's friends. My goals this semester are to make new friends, get involved on campus, and bring up my GPA to at least a 3.0. I won't let the little things get to me. I won't let winter turn me into a hermit this year. I will go out, even if it is just my spot in the music building. I will sit alone if I have to in a public place. I will enjoy myself. I will be happy with where I am and who I am.

Fresh start

I am starting this blog as a fresh start. School has started again and it is a different time than my last blog was. I won't even talk about what has changed since that one or anything about the past. This blog is for the present, because I will always have loads to talk about!