Here comes the snow again falling from the stars

October 29th and there is snow on the ground. Not just on the ground, but in the sky too. It's been falling all day. And not snow-rain slush, but legitimate snow. And not lightly either. I haven't seen snow in October since I was in 4th grade. This is absurd. Well actually I've got mixed feelings about it. Yesterday my roommate moved out so for the time being I have a double room to myself. It's kind of cozy fixing up this room to my liking and watching the snow fall, not going to lie. Snow is beautiful (when it's falling), but I just hate the cold. If it could snow at 60 degrees I'd be totally okay with that, but that will never happen. I'm just nervous about winter because I've been finding myself going out so much this summer and fall, but once it gets cold I know I will find myself just wanting to stay in my room a lot more often. I absolutely hate winter for that reason. I just want to be able to go outside without my feet getting soaked from the snow and feeling this painfully cold wind hit my face. But at the same time I love watching the seasons change. I'll just have to force myself to keep going out and not stay cooped up in my room.

Please keep taking me away

Tonight I learned that persistance is key in life. You can't be too obnoxious when you don't get what you want right away, but at the same time you can't give up. Tonight I spent three and a half hours waiting in 39 degree weather outside of Webster Hall to try to get down to the Studio, a 300 person venue to see a sold out Green Day show that was announced the day before. I almost didn't go, but I am sure glad that I changed my mind.

To my better judgement, I didn't go down early- I went to my afternoon class, finished my project for tomorrow, did my radio show and bolted to my car in the rain and left at 7:07. Traffic on the FDR drive down looked messy so I decided to take 2nd avenue down 110 blocks. Why I thought that would be quicker, I have no idea. I ended up getting there around 8:30. Drove around a few blocks and found a perfect spot on the street, not even two blocks from the venue. I decided that I had a good feeling about this night at that point. Basically the next three hours involved us waiting in the cold, walking back and forth because security kept saying we couldnt stand on the sidewalk unless we had tickets. All tickets were will call so basically they were calling it "the guest list". The doors opened at 9 and while the line never was all that long, it didn't actually end until 11:30 because once people were in, more people would show up. We must have been told at least thirty times by the guy doing tickets that we weren't getting in unless we were on the list. He said there were already 600 people in there (which is way too many), yet people kept coming out and some people even would say "Oh I have a friend of a friend at the venue" and get in. But he wouldn't budge on letting us in. Fortunately another security guard who was down the steps at the door finally pointed to me and motioned for me to come over. At this point the line was done and there were only six of us trying to get in. He asked if we were on the list, to which I told him no but the guy at the door was letting so many other people not on the list in. He told me you had to pay to get in, I told him that I knew that and was very willing to pay. He asked how much. My mind went !!!!!!!! and I replied with "$40". I mean I would have rathered pay 20, which was how much they were face value but he was doing us a favor by letting us in and I didn't want ot go too low, and considering how much some psychos paid for them on ebay and craigslist, $40 is reasonable. He told me to get the money from my friends, come down and pay him when we got in. I ran back over and told them, but when I turned around with the money he was gone and just the other door guy was there giving us dirty looks. The other guy came back out and told the one upstairs to just let us in. Pissed off, he finally gave us stamps/wristbands, I handed the guy downstairs $240, and bolted straight through the crowd to the second row in front of Mike. There I was standing in front of Mike Dirnt in the middle of a sweaty (not too terrible smelling crowd) when less than a minute ago I was standing outside in the freezing cold not sure if I'd get in or not. Now, I don't go fangirl and start crying when I see them, but I was just in shock and laughing at the fact that I just managed to get me and six other people into this super sold out show. They'd been playing new songs for about an hour, we heard another 6 new songs I want to say and about an hour of old songs, which I've all heard before, but just seeing my favorite band again for the first time in over a year was absolutely wonderful.


I think that I've played out every single Green Day song recorded to the point where I don't get the feeling I get when I used to listen to them in high school. But when I see them live, it all comes rushing back. I feel my mouth curve into this smile that I can't let go and I just let the music take me away. I headbang, dont care who is annoyed by it, I scream at the top of my lungs, I smile, and smile and smile and tear up at certain points. It's not usually anything specific, but just certain points when I realize how much this band has done for me. The people I've met, the places I've been, the stories I've got to tell. And tonight is just another one.

So thank you, Green Day.
For everything you've ever done for me.
No matter what I will always be a loyal fan to you until the day I die <3

You always hold your head up high

What do you think of when you think of an idol or role model? Your parents or grandparents or favorite artist or musician? I have had a few including my favorite musicians and cousin, but the one who is closest to me personally and one of the biggest influences on me in the past two years is my best friend.

She doesn't just love what she does, she LOVES it. She talks about the things she loves a lot, but not in an obsessive annoying way. It's an adoring way with passion, like it's the only thing in the world that matters. She doubts herself a lot and says she wants to give up, but I know she never will because deep down she loves it too much. She loves and gets super excited about a lot of little things too like rabbits, non-crappy hummus, dinosaurs, feeding the king, liking southwest airlines on facebook, writing in her blog even though she deletes it a lot. She has gone through a lot of shit with her family and them not being there for her 100%. She has been making her own money since she was in high school and not relying on other people all the time. And might I say for every time she has said she wants to give up, there are another five times she says she loves it to make up for it. She goes on adventures like waterfall hunting, bonfire making, and climbing on rafters high up in the ceiling of music halls. Oh yeah, and taco bell in Pennsylvania. She also was strong enough to make the final decision to cut off all connections with a guy who screwed her over. This was something I needed to do at the same point in my life and I did... a few weeks after she did it. I don't think I would've found the self discipline to do it if I didn't have her as an inspiration. If she can do it, I can is what I thought to myself. And several months later she talked to him in person before he left. A few weeks after that I did the same thing.

Half of the things I know about and have learned to love myself whether it be The Killers or contra dancing or mushroom and spinach omelets are all things I would not have ever known about and come to love if it wasn't for her. Honestly, so many things that I do I feel are somehow a reflection of her. People will tell me they love the song I just played on my radio show, but really she is the reason I love it. Or the earrings I wear, but she made those. And even personal interests, I will tell people that I know about these things because of her.

I don't mean to sound totally sappy and weird here but in all honesty, my best friend is somebody that I look up to with great admiration and pride in. Probably more so than my favorite bands who have been my idols for the past six years. I've never met anybody like her with her passion and love for things like music education and contra dancing and working with kids with disabilities. Hearing her stories and watching her go through things as they happen only make me admire her even more. There are times when I get jealous of her because I want to be like her. But it's all with love because Chelsea, I don't know if I've ever told you this but in the past year you have become my main inspirations and idol in my life. The day that we got into a fight and almost stopped being friends my heart broke. Just thinking about it upsets me. I don't want that day to ever come. Neither of us are getting out of this friendship alive.

Rock friends!

Here are some of my co op friends and their pet rocks.

Alfred the Asbestos, Henry the Halite, Muscoot the Muscovite, Bibbly Bob the Biotite, Pyromaniac the Pyrite, Gypsy the Gypsum, Serena the Selenite, Callie the Calcite.

It's not so bad

Certain things that I don't want to may keep popping into my head today and making me sick to my stomach. But it passes. And no matter how many times a day it happens, I know it will eventually pass for good. It's just like at the end of a relationship when you break up and you keep getting that nauseous feeling whenever you think about them for the first few days, but it gets better as time goes on. As the day has gone on I'm feeling it pass a lot more easily. I haven't gotten all that much school work done, but I've felt very productive today. Started out pretty drowsy and feeling down in the dumps, and even fell asleep at Goodyear while waiting for my car to get an oil change. I went home and laid in my bed, not wanting to get up, but against my wanting I went to class at 2:30. After class I got some food at Terra Ve where there was a parmesan crisis (not really, but me and another girl had a good laugh over it). Then I took my food over to the co-op (where the hell else would I go?). Hung out there, went to do my radio show. Not too many listeners, but what else is new? Afterwards I stayed in the studio for about an hour reading a book of weird laws and getting hysterical responses from the kid who is station manager such as...

"The reason it is illegal in England for a married couple to live on a discarded bus is because there was a married couple that lived on a discarded bus and it made the king frown."


"Why it is illegal to add sugar to maple syrup in Vermont because it's got enough sugar to begin with. And adding sugar will disrespect the trees"

Which made me laugh not just because the answers themselves were funny but they very much reminded me of things that my best friend would say. Now there's a show going on at the co op and I'm even getting some work done while listening to it. Plus there's a cheese club meeting in 45 minutes! Yes, that is right Purchase has a cheese club. And tomorrow night I'll be going out with my new friends across the street. I may not have people I can call close friends, but I am at the point where I more than just recognize people. They recognize me, sit down and talk and laugh and show some sort of interest. I guess it's not so bad, it's not so bad.

*Note*

I do often wish I could go Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind on my past. 

Maybe I don't mean it in the long term, but right now I do.

Contact high

I will not be angry that my friend is dating my ex boyfriend.
I will not be angry that he makes me angry.
I will not be angry that he brags to me about how he takes her out but didn't ever properly take me out.
I will not be angry that he is with somebody else and I still am not.
I will not let the fact that I still care about him get to me.
I will not talk to him anymore.
I will do whatever it takes to keep him out of my mind.

I will go out Friday night with my new friends across the street.
I will be happy that I have these friends here who love hanging out with me.
I will continue to make new friends.
I will stay in my apartment every night unless I am away for the weekend.
I will deal with the fact that I have to share a room with another person.
I will spend as much time during the day out.
I will continue to practically live at the co-op.
I will stop looking back on the past.
I will study all day Friday after class.
I will have fun all night Friday.
I will have even more fun Saturday.
And make more friends.

<3

We carried it all so well

Personally, I solemnly believe that exes can never be friends. No matter how many times I try and be friends, it fails and I just get annoyed and upset. I think there are still so many things that make me angry about our relationship which I thought was good but you claim was "stressful". I'm mad at you still, a year later. I'll always be mad at you I think. Talk about how you're spending your money on dates, just rub it in my face. Considering you never took me on a date where I wasn't told that I couldnt get anything more than 10 dollars (and that was only once). My anger for you will always be there anytime I talk to or think about you.

Look back in silence

I'm looking back at all my livejournal entries from freshman year and the semester I took off following. Summer 2010 wasn't really all that great to be honest. That whole year was a whirlwind. It's crazy to think how much I've grown since then. How many new friends I've made. Honestly, the friends I've made in the past year or so are the greatest ever. I know I will be keeping these for a long time. I can just feel it. Not like in high school when I claimed I'd be best friends forever with so many people. With these people I just know it's true. I can see me, Chelsea, and Ashley contra dancing in our granny clothes at age 70 together. Ashley still jumping when she does a balance and swing and me still laughing. But it's all with love. I love my friends. Looking back the old days is sad, but at the same time happy because I know how much happier I am now. Baaaah I cannot wait until this weekend!!!

It's only been two days since I was on the road for several hours and I am already going ABSOLUTELY CRAZY. Also, I cannot deal with sharing a room with somebody. I can't. Chelsea, you're right, I'm not that type of person either. Nothing personal but I need my space. I don't want to say hello to somebody every time I walk in my room. I want to be able to stay in my room at 2am with the lights on. I want everybody to just leave me alone. I want to be able to have my friends stay over without feeling uncomfortable about it.

O New England

Every season of my life seems to have specific memories, people, events, and music that I associate with that time frame. Of Men and Angels reminds me of freshman year. October and Halloween reminds me of it too. Gaslight Anthem and the W-1 parking lot reminds me of my sophomore year if that's what you'd even call it. Whatsername reminds me of 11th grade. Fall Out Boy and Bowling For Soup and taking the bee line bus reminds me of the summer before high school. It sometimes hurts to think about those things because I either miss them or hate thinking about it because it was a shitty time. But then new things come up. New friends, new places, new events. Fall going from 55 degrees to 80, driving up I-95 to I-91 passing through the New England skyline. I never want to forget this. But I want to keep making more. And I have been. These are the best days of my life.

Record throwing and spinach dip eating

So I haven't exactly made any friends yet, as I state every blog but I've found a place where people are pretty friendly and enjoyable to hang out with that I love. The food co-op, which is basically a student run lounge. The walls are painted with ridiculous shit from a giant squid to aliens and strange creatures. There is a loft, couches and tea for 25 cents. Next semester I'm going to try to get my intern credits being event coordinator (there's shows here too on occasion). Last night I was here for probably 5 hours until 12:30 just hanging out, talking, and eating vegan brownies and muffins which was actually pretty amazing. Now people are throwing records against the walls and somebody brought homemade spinach dip. Yep, I love this place.

This weekend was so great. Just like the weekend prior and the one prior to that and so on. Next weekend will be great. So will the next few after those. But Monday through Thursday? Not so much. Actually, they are terribly boring and the only thing that gets me through those days is knowing that Friday is coming. I love my school. I love the atmosphere. But I don't love the lack of friends. I don't love how hard I try and how difficult it is to make friends. Nobody wants new friends it seems like. They have all they need. My roommates are okay but I don't think I'd really want to hang out with them much outside of the apartment. I also don't think it's fair that I should pay them $150 to use two pots, a plate and utensils and shower curtain.  The living room looks like a prison with the blank walls (minus the christmas lights and two posters I brought). I brought the $200 tv, and we don't even have a microwave which I'm willing to buy. I should be giving you each $15 at the most. Also, I will sleep until whatever time I want, eat whenever I want, and eat standing up if I want, and you have no right to tell me not to. You are not my mother. Actually, I wouldn't even let my mother tell me to do that. I just want to live with people I love, feel comfortable with, and have fun living with. I miss my friends. I don't understand how I can make dozens of new friends in one night at a contra dance but I've been at Purchase for months and not made one friend I feel comfortable with who I feel actually enjoys my company.