Nearing the end

December 21st. I can never believe it when the year is almost over. I still don't even think I realized it until today. In a week and a day I will be on my way up to Fredonia to spend New Years, two days later with Chelsea. 2012 is one week and four days away. That means it is almost time for my yearly review in pictures! I think that I started a blogger at the end of last year and my yearly review was the first or second post. Actually, that feels like ages ago. I can't even believe that was one year ago. The people that were in my life in 2010 are probably 80% different than those of 2011. With the exception of I want to say, three people, minus family, my friends are completely different.

So here I sit on a bus to Massachusetts last minute because I have awesome friends who are willing to pay for me to visit them when we haven't seen each other in a while. I always think my time off from school is going to be boring, but so far Winter Break has been pretty awesome starting with contra dancing in Brooklyn, The Rocket Summer, amazing chicken wings, exploring an Letchworth Village, making cookies, and now contra dancing in Massachusetts. This weekend is Christmas which I get to spend with both my mom and the wonderful Collins Family. Early next week me and my mom are having a Channukah party and two days later it's off to Fredonia, back home with Chelsea and then back  up here to New England with her, and then there is only 2 weeks left of break! I have a good life.

Happy is all that you make me

Last night I saw The Rocket Summer for the sixteenth time. He played all of Calendar Days and Hello Good Friend, his first two albums. As usual it was amazing. The fans were singing and dancing, I made new friends, there was confetti and I finally got to dance onstage during a song. The show itself was great, but afterwards we had some huge issues with the venue. Now we were downstairs, in the Studio which is a small room basically. But at 11pm on a Saturday Webster Hall turns into a dirty, disgusting nightclub and I guess they wanted to open up the Studio room too. Well it started with fans waiting in line to buy merch and the security yelling at us to get out when we were clearly waiting to buy merch. They even had the nerve to say "you should have bought it before" and to yell at Tara who was going as quickly as she could. We get outside and wait about an hour for Bryce in the smoking area on the street, because if you wait on "their" sidewalk they scream at you. Once Bryce comes out there was a big crowd of people including him in the smoking area. After about a half hour, a big security guard out of nowhere starts yelling at us to get out saying "I asked you three times to move. We have a permit for this area and you need to let paying customers stand here" ....but wait, didn't we all just pay for tickets to see The Rocket Summer here (who probably gets like 10% of those ticket sales). Yes, we did. But they didn't care. Bryce politely said he'd try and move and that he was only asked once to move (I don't think they even asked once). He did absolutely nothing wrong and the security guard picked him up and shoved him towards the sidewalk. Standing right next to him, I couldn't even believe my eyes. I was ready to fight for him too, but I knew that wouldn't do anything. We eventually moved down the block, but I am still furious about this as is he and the rest of the people there. He definitely said he is never playing at Webster Hall again nor will any of his fans ever go back there. I sent them a complaint email and facebook wall post. I hope they don't treat other bands that way. But it was still a great night and I am so happy that I got to see him and this special show. He said he is doing a college tour in March, so I'm just hoping more than anything there will be a reachable one for me around my birthday!

I seriously love this guy until the very end, which I hope doesn't come anytime in the near future. I've been seeing him for almost 5 years live and listening to him for 6 and a half. Looking forward to seeing him even if I don't know when the next show will be is always such a great thing and I don't even want to imagine my life without that.


Because I can hear the memory in my ears
Back to the years and all those tears
But hear me when I'm glad cause we're here

<3

The adventures of Guy Noir

Tonight I am sitting in my room with my Christmas lights on, listening to last night's show of Prarie Home Companion and regretting not getting tickets for me and my mom. Every year I say that I will make her Chanukah present tickets to see it in December since they do a few shows at Town Hall each year, but they go on sale in September and sell out pretty quick so come November it's too late. One year, I swear I will do it. But seriously, this show is so great. I forget to listen to it a lot, but it's such a perfect thing to listen to cozied up to a cup of hot chocolate in your bed on a Saturday night. Too bad I'll be out the next three Saturday nights.... but yeah, radio variety shows are amazing. I wish people still listened to the radio instead of watched tv.

GOOD THINGS IN THE NEAR FUTURE

•I am officially the Events Coordinator Intern for the Co-op for the Spring 2012 semester (!!!!!!)
•The other interns elected are awesome too and I can't wait to work with them
•Math presentation/class is done
•Proposal for Fundraising is (pretty much) done
•Playlist for my last radio show of the semester tomorrow is set and will be awesome
•Making another $38 tomorrow for sitting in place for 2 hours
•Christmas presents are (almost) all bought
•Friday I might have a job interview in the city
•Pancake madness tomorrow night at d-hall
•I get my very own key to the co-op tomorrow night (!!!)

and most importantly....


THE ROCKET SUMMER IN 10 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^^no parentheses needed there for those exclamation points.

Yes whatever else may be, may my friends remember me

I know I have said this so many times, but looking back on my life freshman year of college I have changed so much and become so much happier. I never really felt like I was getting the real college experience in Fredonia, but here... oh my god. I remember walking around pointless one Friday night in Fredonia trying to find something to do on campus but there was literally nothing and we all ended up just going back to our dorms. At Purchase, that never happens. There is ALWAYS something going on here or at least people outside hanging out at every hour of the day and into the late night. And as I type, I hear people yelling outside at 2am on a Sunday night. This weekend was the second to last weekend of the semester and I had a great one. Friday night I had a few people over and we drank Sex on the Beach and danced the choreography to American Idiot. We then proceeded to go to a Latinos Unidos party where the walls were sweating and there was melted, watery pina coladas. We left that and ended up at The New at what was a black light party but had fizzled down to more of a drunk social gathering outside. Made some new friends there as usual.

Saturday I had an ugly sweater party planned. I've always wanted to have a party but never had been able to since I live in a small, cramped apartment with my mom. Not a crazy wall sweating party, but a nice get together with a decent amount of people that it isn't just a bunch of people having beer and snacks on a Saturday night. I invited a good amount of people, because I figure if you have 20 people telling you that they will attend, it is really more like 10. Ashley and April came up/down for it first and we set up. Then another friend came with his friend. Then some toolface came. As much as I want to hate him, even my friends did enjoy his company and joked he was "the life of the party". Another one of my friends came with two of his friends, one of my roommate's friends brought three and at one point I think we had 15 people. Several people texted me the next day saying that they had fun and thanks for inviting them. There were even a few people who couldn't make it but did text me apologizing for not making it but hoped it was fun. The fact that people enjoyed my party really made me happy and motivated to do it again next semester. And somehow in between all this, I still managed to finish my five page grant proposal for class that is due Tuesday. Now I will end this post with some lovely pictures from this crazy weekend....

Realizations of tonight in bullet formation

•Running is actually additive
•Eating healthy is possible
...minus that one meal of stuffing myself with wings at d-hall
•Getting somebody to swipe me in for free is possible (but Wacky Wings Wednesdays ONLY)
•I CAN set goals for myself and achieve them.
•I CAN accept no for an answer.
•I CAN push myself to do what I want to do...and more.
•I can make around my portion of the Loop when it's 40 degrees and windy...
and just for a moment imagine that the sound of the Blind Brook is the sound of the the Gulf of Mexico and the softness of my boots are the soft sand and that the street lights are actually the light of the moon reflecting off the ocean and the lights of the Alumni apartments in the distance are the lights of Sanibel Arms apartments.

Oh yeah and....

•Parties do happen on a Wednesday night on G Street at Purchase
•Squeezed orange in seltzer would be great
•I can compile enough old blogs and diary entries to put together a memoir of my life
•I am not too young to achieve my childhood dreams (I feel like I should be older before I can do such a thing)
•There is no reason that I cannot start something that will be handed down to other people
•Within just a few hours being high can go from being giggly and happy, to having a conversation with my mom that puts me in a bad mood, to literally having the feeling like my head is going to unscrew/strange pangs in my head/wanting to just fall asleep, to having absolutely brilliant and innovative ideas and thoughts, to coming down from it but still having these extremely reflective thoughts

DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME TO COME OVER ONLY FOR ME TO GET THERE FIVE MINUTES LATER TO YOU COMPLETELY PASSED OUT WITH A BOTTLE OF WINE ON THE TABLE.... I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN IT LIKE YOU SAID NOT TO.

DONE

DONE

DONE.

Why you say wait

Today I was in a generally good mood. But then one event that annoys me totally turns my mood around. I get out of class at noon on Tuesdays and Fridays so I usually don't have much to do, so I figured I'd go to the mall and look for some cheap gifts for friends for the holidays. I wanted to go with somebody else just because I've been spending a lot of time alone since I got back to school. I texted several people asking and of course the only one who answers is the person who I've been referencing to in my last posts. I asked if he'd be ready in a half hour around 2 and he said yes. No response from him until 3:30 when he said he made an appointment to Apple for 5:10. I said I wanted to go soon though and said to come over... half hour later he still isn't here or answering his phone. So I left and another half hour later he says he didn't see my text (or get my two calls? yeah, okay). I got a few gifts and came back to my roommate finishing up making homemade chili, so I tried a little bit and it was delicious. But a half hour later I hear my stomach yelling at me for it. I don't understand why A) People can't just come when they say they will or at least tell you they'll be late when you make definite plans for a specific time B) WHY MY STOMACH WON'T LET ME EAT ANYTHING ANYMORE. I suppose it is a good thing because it forces me to eat healthy, but even slightly bad food is making me sick. Oh and did I mention that I tried on a pair of size 7 jeans and they didn't fit me? Eating healthy better actually help me lose weight.... Ugh. /rant

You can get anything you want

As I drive down 684 frustrated with my lack of music due to a dead phone and two broken ipods I find myself resorting to the radio. So I put my radio scan on to find anything decent to listen to for the next 40 minutes. After a few minutes, about to give up and drive in silence, I hear a guitar and some catchy folk music playing on the channel 90.7. What is this I wonder? Because it sounds great. A live performance. I even like this music enough to look it up later. Finally they announce that it's WFUV, Fordham University's public radio. I get home and continue to listen on the radio inside and look more into the radio. I don't really understand if this has any students on air, because clearly these shows are older, well known people hosting the shows. But the fact that they get 350,000 listeners per week in the tri-state area, and the signal reaches as far as Northern Westchester is pretty impressive. And this is a non-commercial radio station too. Once again here comes that word '501C3 non-profit organization'. And links to more of them from their site. I hear them mention something called "Outpost in the Burbs" and ask listeners to please find out more, so I do. And what are they? "A nonprofit outreach organization dedicated to building community through music, community service, and cultural programs"...based in Northern Jersey. All volunteer run, they started as a coffeehouse and put on shows and events with folk singers and other artists. This is the type of thing that I want to spend my life being apart of, but the problem is this is all the way in Montclair, New Jersey. I mean technically that isnt too far, maybe 25 miles....plus a $12 toll across the Hudson River, gas money, and traffic. I just don't understand why New York City, Long Island, and New Jersey are so culturally rich with these organizations but Westchester, no. What do we have? Yeah, we have the Westchester County Center, Neuberger Art Museum right at Purchase... but where are our local arts organizations building a community through music. I just don't understand. Westchester supports all this fancy smancy art and concerts, but nothing local. Honestly, I think about this every single day. What do I want to do in life? How do I do it? I take classes on this. I mean I have a textbook and a class teaching me to write grants, and create special events....maybe I should start paying attention. Because that, is what I want to do. Start a community here in Westchester. For young musicians and artists, a place where they can be themselves, have people support them, feel like they belong. This is all I want. I will do it. As much as I want to move to San Francisco, to Toronto, or to Manhattan.... Westchester County is my home and I've got pride for this place.

I'm on top of the world

I love The Killers so much. Watching their live DVD makes me want to sing my voice off and dance and cry and smile all day. While I watch them I think that nobody can compare...but wait! Then I put on The Rocket Summer and get excited to see Bryce for the 16th freakin' time in 23 days play his entire first two albums and I want to cry of joy. And even though Billie Joe is a pizza face, I really do love Green Day. They were my first favorite band. I've seen them uhh.. 14 times now? I can't keep track but they mean the world to me. And Frank Turner...well I've already written several blogs in the past two months of how much I love him. How did I get so lucky to find not one, not two, or three but FOUR bands that make me feel this way? I'm a lucky girl <3

There's a beautiful ending but you're never gonna read the book

Disregard some of that last blog.

I finally believe in sexual relations with friends without an emotional connection.
Certain things can get frustrating, but honestly so much better than a relationship at this point.
Nobody said this has to be perfect.

Welcome to Thanksgiving break

First break since Labor Day. Not that I haven't taken my own personal breaks. Well actually, I've only missed each of my three classes once each (it's a record!). I have been home once in the past two weeks and I don't think I've slept in my bed at home in three or four weeks. My hamster hasn't been out of his cage in a week or two either and he is running in a circle in his ball. My air conditioner is still in and I feel the November air coming through the window. It feels like just two months ago I had my cousin put IN that air conditioner. I can't believe winter break is in three weeks. What the fuck? After another frustrating night last night with a certain stupid boy, I realized I need to just stop trying. I need to stop being so desperate. Clearly he is an ass and doesn't give a shit. I mean really all I want is somebody to sleep with, I don't want a relationship. But at the same time I shouldn't do that with somebody as shitty as him. He just cares about himself and is bad news bears. No more of him when I get back from break. Now I'm going to make some dumplings and lay in my wonderful big cloud of a bed.

Fuuuadksjhfalkjfhasd

I understand that guys people are dicks. I get that it is your horrible nature beg me to stay the night and then the next week make me walk home in the rain at 4am. To say rude things to me or tell me to stop talking and when I tell you to shut up you go all alpha male and accuse ME of being rude for telling you to stop being rude. But I don't understand how you can be all touchy feely with me one night and refuse to touch me the next day. Or to refuse to lay, or even sit on the bed with me while we're watching a movie and to go so far as to sit in your chair all night while I'm in your bed. Or to throw me another pillow when I try to put my head on yours (note: not even close to yours). Or to move forward when I put a tiny section of my hand touching your back or arm or any part of your body. I know you have a girlfriend, and it's not like I'm looking to be yours, I just wanna fuck and maybe cuddle a little but really I just want to fuck.
I get it, you are  have a dick, so just fucking use it! 


You already cheated on her and you clearly don't feel bad because you won't even admit to me you have a girlfriend, so why won't you just do it? The only thing you've implied that you might possibly be interested in me since the night we hooked up was when I joked "I'm a whore for cheese...I'd have sex for cheese" and you replied "I'll keep that in mind". YEAH, THAT IS RIGHT YOU HAD BETTER.

Too much too soon

Today was 50 degrees out. Now it's raining. Just a few days ago it was 35 degrees out.... my life has been like the weather lately, constantly changing. Last night I went into the city expecting to go to a contra dance and ending up going to a show of a now ex friend's friend's band and staying in Trenton, NJ for the night. I love these nights when you go out expecting one thing and something completely different happens. It was really a great night, but the next day I find out that my "friend's" night was completely ruined by me. Here's the story of the night as it really happened in the best nutshell I can give....

I was on my way to the contra and my now ex friend tells me that she is going to the city to with her friends for their show. Ironically enough it was in the same area I was in so I decided to ditch the contra and go with them. The show was great, they did a Killers covers, we both took photos and after they loaded up their van we decided to go out to eat. Originally I was going to just go and meet up with the contra people at the diner, but then I thought I'd rather go with the band and friends. Then I thought maybe we could meet up with my contra friends which was a bit of a walk, but I asked if they minded walking. None of them opposed. I suggested a few places closer by but they were closed. We walked to about where the contra was and then I found out that none of the contra people were going anyway. So we had walked all that way and were even meeting up with those people, thats not my fault. I didn't know. I was on the lookout for anything close by too but sometimes it is harder than it seems to find a not too expensive restaurant in New York. Finally we found a place that everybody seemed happy with and we had a lovely little dinner all together. During dinner I made it clear that I had to leave with enough time to get on the subway to get my train home. But one of the guys in the band offered to drive me up to grand central, which at the time sounded quicker because there was a lot of construction going on in the subway and delays. Now to the misunderstanding of this ex friend whose name I shall not speak of, she thought I asked for a ride and thought I should've left for the subway when they started walking back to the van. What she clearly doesn't understand (because she doesn't understand New York and it's public transportation system, because she is too much of a diva to do that at night) is that the subway I would have been taking back uptown was in the direction of where they parked anyway, which is why I was offered a ride. I made a joke to the lead singer of the band that if I missed my train I could come party with them in Trenton. Totally not serious. But he said if I did that "I have a couch you can crash on it's fine". Now even if he didn't know I was joking, would somebody really suggest that if they were not comfortable with me staying? No. You would just blow it off and laugh. So we got in the van, tried to make it up to Grand Central but by 1:45 we were only around 32nd st and clearly I wasn't making it. So to Jersey it was. I ended up staying with him, I was as best of a guest that I could be. He was the best host he could be and even asked if I needed a toothbrush when we got back and dropped me off at the train near Trenton the next day. I never asked for anybody to do any of this. I asked "are you sure that's okay?" and said I could stay in Penn Station the night until the 5:30am train. If he really didn't want me, he would've just dropped me off there. I'm a big girl, unlike my ex friend and I can handle a night in the big bad city alone. I've done it before. I took the NJ transit and then metro north home the next day and was happy with my Saturday night. Nobody else seemed bothered one bit either. One of the other guys even texted me later in the day on Sunday asking if I got home safe. Now, according to my ex friend, this guy was getting annoyed with me the whole night. Now not to be that person who claims they are telling the "right" side of the story, but if he was so annoyed with me, why on earth would he A) save my phone number in his phone and B) go to the trouble to ask if I got home safe the next day? Just as the same with the others. It was also mentioned in her massive essay of a tumblr post talking about how I ruined her night because I was "chatting it up with her friends like we were old pals". Well what am I supposed to do, say two words to them all night and not speak with them because we just met? Is that not how you make new friends, by talking to them and sharing stories and laughing at jokes? Am I not allowed to do these things just because we met a few hours ago? According to her standards, I'm not. Apparently having an outgoing personality is annoying and she claims she "embarrassed by me and apologized" and to her friends for me. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't make me wonder if they really were annoyed by me. I even considered asking them after I read her essay about it. But at the same time, why would they exchange numbers with me, continue to talk to me after we parted ways and imply that they want to come play on my radio show and at my school next semester if they were really as annoyed by me as she claims they were? It just doesn't add up. I honestly think it was HER who was annoyed by me, not them.


You know it's funny because my best friend tonight was just telling me about how she no longer wants somebody who was once a friend in her life, and I realized how many people I've made that decision about in the past few years all for the better. And tonight I add another one. Honestly, it feels pretty good to end that friendship- I've been contemplating it for a while now but never found a specific reason to since we don't see each other all that often. I never felt this way about ending friendships in high school, but since college I've been making so many new friends that when it comes time that I just can't handle the things I don't like about certain people, dropping their friendship all together is a lot better than dealing with the shit about them that annoys me. Why spend time on somebody that annoys you more than they make you happy? There is no point! Out with the old and in with the new!



P.S. Food in New York City is going to be expensive no matter where you go. $3.50 a slice of pizza is average. I don't have much money either. Deal with it or GET THE FUCK OUT OF NEW YORK. You'll never make it in this city or this industry being the scared little girl you are. You're almost 23 and are afraid to take the subway alone. And I'M obnoxious?

These are the best days of my life

When I got to Fredonia I thought I was so cool living in a college dorm, with my meal plan, not having 6 hour classes 5 days a week like I did in high school. I remember a girl who was a junior at the time saying how glad she was she didn't live on campus and have to have a meal plan anymore. "Do you know how long the food sits out there in Cranston?" I remember her saying, but I thought it was the coolest thing in the world being there and that I'd never want to move off campus (little did I know I'd leave that school for good). Now I look back on freshman year and see how bland and boring it was, I don't even mean it because of where Fredonia is, but freshman year, being a first year in college. It was new and exciting having a college ID, saying "I'm a college student!", but now, two years later and two semesters later I'm a lot more accustomed to it and I walk around saying "I'm in college" still feeling young. I always feel little for some reason, but the reality of it is that I only have two years left. And I feel like I'm JUST beginning to get the real college experience. The parties, the walking around and meeting people, the campus involvement. Mostly the people I've met though. Just so many people. I know I said the same freshman year but none of that lasted. I mean not everybody I've met here is going to be a lasting friend, but I see them around a lot and hang out and talk. I've been meeting new people every weekend. I mean who would've ever thought on a Friday night in October I'd start out at a little party at the commuter lounge at 8pm and end sleeping with my downstairs neighbor at 4am, only to find out he's a total druggie and listen to him and some others snorting coke in their bathroom a month later? Or that a Saturday night in November beginning with a drag show event would end in meeting somebody outside my friend's apartment on the way home at 2:30am, smoking hookah with him at his apartment, and hooking up with him only to find out he has a girlfriend the next day? You know, at this point I don't care. I mean not saying I want to ruin relationships and become a coke head, but I'm going fucking live up these last two years of being a kid (which I still feel like even though I'm 20 and will graduate when I'm nearly 23). I'm not going to give a fuck about morals if somebody wants to cheat on their girlfriend with me, because that's not my issue. I'm not going to care what my neighbors think of me, I'm going to go and hang out with them and smoke their weed while I listen to them snort coke (not that I plan on trying coke). If somebody offers me acid though, I'd try that. I'm not going to stress about taking the maximum amount of credits, because I want to take my time here. I love it here, and if I stay on a steady pace I can still graduate in 8 semesters without stressing myself out. What hurry do I have to be in? These are the best days of my life.

These are the golden days

This school year is awesome. I can't believe the semester is nearly over. It's a scary thought and I don't want to think it. Because of my semester off and semester commuting, my last fall semester was freshman year so in some sense I relate things in time to that. But this year is a lot better. Next semester will be a lot better than that was. I think I am going to move into my friend's apartment across the street next semester because one of them is going to study abroad in the spring so they will have an extra spot in their apartment. They are so great. I love them all. We live on Awkward Street though. With Zoo Lander and a Beatle. I love this place and I never want to leave.

Yes, I'm definitely going to hell...

I still love Frank Turner just as much as I did last night, maybe even more because he added Jet Lag to the set list for me. I got back from Philadelphia at 3:30am and it was just spectacular. Bowery was better but seeing the last show on his U.S. tour was special. More tomorrow.

I WON'T SIT DOWN AND I WON'T SHUT UP

Oh my gosh I love Frank Turner. I crowd surfed during Photosynthesis twice. I was one of the first ones up and screaming the words while above the crowd with him smiling and looking right at me was magical. I love crowd surfing oh my gosh why am I always so afraid to do it? I remember the first time at Foxboro and how exhilarating it was. It's like a roller coaster except your pants are falling down and you're singing to your favorite band and sometimes you fall to the floor but it's okay as long as you get your hands down before your face because you just jump right back up. Baaah it's 3:30am and I have class at 10:30 but I just can't stop thinking about tomorrow cause I'm going to Philly for the last show in the U.S. He better really be coming back early next year!  I just want to crowd surf to Photosynthesis all night, every night. Is that so much to ask?

And yes, I am on more of a concert high after seeing Frank than I was after Green Day last night.

I JUST REALLY LOVE FRANK TURNER, OKAY?

Forgetting you, but not the time

I still remember it all so well. I brought a sign for Whatsername and wanted to hold it up during the requests but never found the right time. After one song during the encore I found a perfect time. At first I wasn't sure if he saw it, but then he started fiddling around with his guitar and the girl next to me said "I think you won. He's tuning it to the key Whatsername is in". I don't remember him ever even looking at me, but he saw. Just like all those other times. That song means everything to me. I don't think I was as emotional as I was when I got them to play Redundant at soundcheck the year before, but this is the song that I would cry to when I was alone all throughout high school. The song that I have to listen to on full volume and can't listen to without pressing repeat at least once afterwards. It's a perfect ending and a new beginning.

I made a point to burn all of the photographs

She went away and then I took a different path

I remember the face but I can't recall the name

Now I wonder how Whatsername has been

It's about that time

Yeah it's about that time
That you contact me to make rhyme
And reason of what you did
Now that it's been a year

I am open to listen and try to appreciate new music, but I judge quickly. I generally like the same genres and sounds and if I am going to like it I know right away within seconds. I like a smooth piano, guitar, with a mature sounding voice and not two minutes of instrumentals to introduce a song with three verses. I often listen to bands I don't know based on their name. That's how I found The Rocket Summer actually. But I also try different singers out too. Well yesterday I was going through music on Joanna's computer and I found something that I loved from the first note of the first song I heard. His name is Greg Laswell. I'm not too good at describing what specific singers sound like, but I'd say his sound reminds me a bit of Stars. It's so refreshing to find a singer or band that you instantly love and listening through their whole catalogue. That's how it was for some of my favorite bands (although I use the term 'some' for a reason- for The Killers and Green Day it did not at all go that way). 

This banter was actually originally going to go in a completely different direction. I was going to relate my life to the lyrics and go on about how I can't believe it's been two years since my freshman year and that whole time. But I don't need to talk/think about that. I'd rather talk about how I love finding new music that I adore. That's why I started a radio show and even if Ashley and occasionally some other friends are the only ones listening, it forces me to find new music each week. I may not be a musician myself, but I have such a great passion for them. When I'm seeing my favorite bands live, or even a band that is just really, really, really good I find myself with this huge smile and warm feeling in my heart. Even watching Frank Turner perform on Jimmy Kimmel on TV makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I just want to do this forever.

Here comes the snow again falling from the stars

October 29th and there is snow on the ground. Not just on the ground, but in the sky too. It's been falling all day. And not snow-rain slush, but legitimate snow. And not lightly either. I haven't seen snow in October since I was in 4th grade. This is absurd. Well actually I've got mixed feelings about it. Yesterday my roommate moved out so for the time being I have a double room to myself. It's kind of cozy fixing up this room to my liking and watching the snow fall, not going to lie. Snow is beautiful (when it's falling), but I just hate the cold. If it could snow at 60 degrees I'd be totally okay with that, but that will never happen. I'm just nervous about winter because I've been finding myself going out so much this summer and fall, but once it gets cold I know I will find myself just wanting to stay in my room a lot more often. I absolutely hate winter for that reason. I just want to be able to go outside without my feet getting soaked from the snow and feeling this painfully cold wind hit my face. But at the same time I love watching the seasons change. I'll just have to force myself to keep going out and not stay cooped up in my room.

Please keep taking me away

Tonight I learned that persistance is key in life. You can't be too obnoxious when you don't get what you want right away, but at the same time you can't give up. Tonight I spent three and a half hours waiting in 39 degree weather outside of Webster Hall to try to get down to the Studio, a 300 person venue to see a sold out Green Day show that was announced the day before. I almost didn't go, but I am sure glad that I changed my mind.

To my better judgement, I didn't go down early- I went to my afternoon class, finished my project for tomorrow, did my radio show and bolted to my car in the rain and left at 7:07. Traffic on the FDR drive down looked messy so I decided to take 2nd avenue down 110 blocks. Why I thought that would be quicker, I have no idea. I ended up getting there around 8:30. Drove around a few blocks and found a perfect spot on the street, not even two blocks from the venue. I decided that I had a good feeling about this night at that point. Basically the next three hours involved us waiting in the cold, walking back and forth because security kept saying we couldnt stand on the sidewalk unless we had tickets. All tickets were will call so basically they were calling it "the guest list". The doors opened at 9 and while the line never was all that long, it didn't actually end until 11:30 because once people were in, more people would show up. We must have been told at least thirty times by the guy doing tickets that we weren't getting in unless we were on the list. He said there were already 600 people in there (which is way too many), yet people kept coming out and some people even would say "Oh I have a friend of a friend at the venue" and get in. But he wouldn't budge on letting us in. Fortunately another security guard who was down the steps at the door finally pointed to me and motioned for me to come over. At this point the line was done and there were only six of us trying to get in. He asked if we were on the list, to which I told him no but the guy at the door was letting so many other people not on the list in. He told me you had to pay to get in, I told him that I knew that and was very willing to pay. He asked how much. My mind went !!!!!!!! and I replied with "$40". I mean I would have rathered pay 20, which was how much they were face value but he was doing us a favor by letting us in and I didn't want ot go too low, and considering how much some psychos paid for them on ebay and craigslist, $40 is reasonable. He told me to get the money from my friends, come down and pay him when we got in. I ran back over and told them, but when I turned around with the money he was gone and just the other door guy was there giving us dirty looks. The other guy came back out and told the one upstairs to just let us in. Pissed off, he finally gave us stamps/wristbands, I handed the guy downstairs $240, and bolted straight through the crowd to the second row in front of Mike. There I was standing in front of Mike Dirnt in the middle of a sweaty (not too terrible smelling crowd) when less than a minute ago I was standing outside in the freezing cold not sure if I'd get in or not. Now, I don't go fangirl and start crying when I see them, but I was just in shock and laughing at the fact that I just managed to get me and six other people into this super sold out show. They'd been playing new songs for about an hour, we heard another 6 new songs I want to say and about an hour of old songs, which I've all heard before, but just seeing my favorite band again for the first time in over a year was absolutely wonderful.


I think that I've played out every single Green Day song recorded to the point where I don't get the feeling I get when I used to listen to them in high school. But when I see them live, it all comes rushing back. I feel my mouth curve into this smile that I can't let go and I just let the music take me away. I headbang, dont care who is annoyed by it, I scream at the top of my lungs, I smile, and smile and smile and tear up at certain points. It's not usually anything specific, but just certain points when I realize how much this band has done for me. The people I've met, the places I've been, the stories I've got to tell. And tonight is just another one.

So thank you, Green Day.
For everything you've ever done for me.
No matter what I will always be a loyal fan to you until the day I die <3

You always hold your head up high

What do you think of when you think of an idol or role model? Your parents or grandparents or favorite artist or musician? I have had a few including my favorite musicians and cousin, but the one who is closest to me personally and one of the biggest influences on me in the past two years is my best friend.

She doesn't just love what she does, she LOVES it. She talks about the things she loves a lot, but not in an obsessive annoying way. It's an adoring way with passion, like it's the only thing in the world that matters. She doubts herself a lot and says she wants to give up, but I know she never will because deep down she loves it too much. She loves and gets super excited about a lot of little things too like rabbits, non-crappy hummus, dinosaurs, feeding the king, liking southwest airlines on facebook, writing in her blog even though she deletes it a lot. She has gone through a lot of shit with her family and them not being there for her 100%. She has been making her own money since she was in high school and not relying on other people all the time. And might I say for every time she has said she wants to give up, there are another five times she says she loves it to make up for it. She goes on adventures like waterfall hunting, bonfire making, and climbing on rafters high up in the ceiling of music halls. Oh yeah, and taco bell in Pennsylvania. She also was strong enough to make the final decision to cut off all connections with a guy who screwed her over. This was something I needed to do at the same point in my life and I did... a few weeks after she did it. I don't think I would've found the self discipline to do it if I didn't have her as an inspiration. If she can do it, I can is what I thought to myself. And several months later she talked to him in person before he left. A few weeks after that I did the same thing.

Half of the things I know about and have learned to love myself whether it be The Killers or contra dancing or mushroom and spinach omelets are all things I would not have ever known about and come to love if it wasn't for her. Honestly, so many things that I do I feel are somehow a reflection of her. People will tell me they love the song I just played on my radio show, but really she is the reason I love it. Or the earrings I wear, but she made those. And even personal interests, I will tell people that I know about these things because of her.

I don't mean to sound totally sappy and weird here but in all honesty, my best friend is somebody that I look up to with great admiration and pride in. Probably more so than my favorite bands who have been my idols for the past six years. I've never met anybody like her with her passion and love for things like music education and contra dancing and working with kids with disabilities. Hearing her stories and watching her go through things as they happen only make me admire her even more. There are times when I get jealous of her because I want to be like her. But it's all with love because Chelsea, I don't know if I've ever told you this but in the past year you have become my main inspirations and idol in my life. The day that we got into a fight and almost stopped being friends my heart broke. Just thinking about it upsets me. I don't want that day to ever come. Neither of us are getting out of this friendship alive.

Rock friends!

Here are some of my co op friends and their pet rocks.

Alfred the Asbestos, Henry the Halite, Muscoot the Muscovite, Bibbly Bob the Biotite, Pyromaniac the Pyrite, Gypsy the Gypsum, Serena the Selenite, Callie the Calcite.

It's not so bad

Certain things that I don't want to may keep popping into my head today and making me sick to my stomach. But it passes. And no matter how many times a day it happens, I know it will eventually pass for good. It's just like at the end of a relationship when you break up and you keep getting that nauseous feeling whenever you think about them for the first few days, but it gets better as time goes on. As the day has gone on I'm feeling it pass a lot more easily. I haven't gotten all that much school work done, but I've felt very productive today. Started out pretty drowsy and feeling down in the dumps, and even fell asleep at Goodyear while waiting for my car to get an oil change. I went home and laid in my bed, not wanting to get up, but against my wanting I went to class at 2:30. After class I got some food at Terra Ve where there was a parmesan crisis (not really, but me and another girl had a good laugh over it). Then I took my food over to the co-op (where the hell else would I go?). Hung out there, went to do my radio show. Not too many listeners, but what else is new? Afterwards I stayed in the studio for about an hour reading a book of weird laws and getting hysterical responses from the kid who is station manager such as...

"The reason it is illegal in England for a married couple to live on a discarded bus is because there was a married couple that lived on a discarded bus and it made the king frown."


"Why it is illegal to add sugar to maple syrup in Vermont because it's got enough sugar to begin with. And adding sugar will disrespect the trees"

Which made me laugh not just because the answers themselves were funny but they very much reminded me of things that my best friend would say. Now there's a show going on at the co op and I'm even getting some work done while listening to it. Plus there's a cheese club meeting in 45 minutes! Yes, that is right Purchase has a cheese club. And tomorrow night I'll be going out with my new friends across the street. I may not have people I can call close friends, but I am at the point where I more than just recognize people. They recognize me, sit down and talk and laugh and show some sort of interest. I guess it's not so bad, it's not so bad.

*Note*

I do often wish I could go Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind on my past. 

Maybe I don't mean it in the long term, but right now I do.

Contact high

I will not be angry that my friend is dating my ex boyfriend.
I will not be angry that he makes me angry.
I will not be angry that he brags to me about how he takes her out but didn't ever properly take me out.
I will not be angry that he is with somebody else and I still am not.
I will not let the fact that I still care about him get to me.
I will not talk to him anymore.
I will do whatever it takes to keep him out of my mind.

I will go out Friday night with my new friends across the street.
I will be happy that I have these friends here who love hanging out with me.
I will continue to make new friends.
I will stay in my apartment every night unless I am away for the weekend.
I will deal with the fact that I have to share a room with another person.
I will spend as much time during the day out.
I will continue to practically live at the co-op.
I will stop looking back on the past.
I will study all day Friday after class.
I will have fun all night Friday.
I will have even more fun Saturday.
And make more friends.

<3

We carried it all so well

Personally, I solemnly believe that exes can never be friends. No matter how many times I try and be friends, it fails and I just get annoyed and upset. I think there are still so many things that make me angry about our relationship which I thought was good but you claim was "stressful". I'm mad at you still, a year later. I'll always be mad at you I think. Talk about how you're spending your money on dates, just rub it in my face. Considering you never took me on a date where I wasn't told that I couldnt get anything more than 10 dollars (and that was only once). My anger for you will always be there anytime I talk to or think about you.

Look back in silence

I'm looking back at all my livejournal entries from freshman year and the semester I took off following. Summer 2010 wasn't really all that great to be honest. That whole year was a whirlwind. It's crazy to think how much I've grown since then. How many new friends I've made. Honestly, the friends I've made in the past year or so are the greatest ever. I know I will be keeping these for a long time. I can just feel it. Not like in high school when I claimed I'd be best friends forever with so many people. With these people I just know it's true. I can see me, Chelsea, and Ashley contra dancing in our granny clothes at age 70 together. Ashley still jumping when she does a balance and swing and me still laughing. But it's all with love. I love my friends. Looking back the old days is sad, but at the same time happy because I know how much happier I am now. Baaaah I cannot wait until this weekend!!!

It's only been two days since I was on the road for several hours and I am already going ABSOLUTELY CRAZY. Also, I cannot deal with sharing a room with somebody. I can't. Chelsea, you're right, I'm not that type of person either. Nothing personal but I need my space. I don't want to say hello to somebody every time I walk in my room. I want to be able to stay in my room at 2am with the lights on. I want everybody to just leave me alone. I want to be able to have my friends stay over without feeling uncomfortable about it.

O New England

Every season of my life seems to have specific memories, people, events, and music that I associate with that time frame. Of Men and Angels reminds me of freshman year. October and Halloween reminds me of it too. Gaslight Anthem and the W-1 parking lot reminds me of my sophomore year if that's what you'd even call it. Whatsername reminds me of 11th grade. Fall Out Boy and Bowling For Soup and taking the bee line bus reminds me of the summer before high school. It sometimes hurts to think about those things because I either miss them or hate thinking about it because it was a shitty time. But then new things come up. New friends, new places, new events. Fall going from 55 degrees to 80, driving up I-95 to I-91 passing through the New England skyline. I never want to forget this. But I want to keep making more. And I have been. These are the best days of my life.

Record throwing and spinach dip eating

So I haven't exactly made any friends yet, as I state every blog but I've found a place where people are pretty friendly and enjoyable to hang out with that I love. The food co-op, which is basically a student run lounge. The walls are painted with ridiculous shit from a giant squid to aliens and strange creatures. There is a loft, couches and tea for 25 cents. Next semester I'm going to try to get my intern credits being event coordinator (there's shows here too on occasion). Last night I was here for probably 5 hours until 12:30 just hanging out, talking, and eating vegan brownies and muffins which was actually pretty amazing. Now people are throwing records against the walls and somebody brought homemade spinach dip. Yep, I love this place.

This weekend was so great. Just like the weekend prior and the one prior to that and so on. Next weekend will be great. So will the next few after those. But Monday through Thursday? Not so much. Actually, they are terribly boring and the only thing that gets me through those days is knowing that Friday is coming. I love my school. I love the atmosphere. But I don't love the lack of friends. I don't love how hard I try and how difficult it is to make friends. Nobody wants new friends it seems like. They have all they need. My roommates are okay but I don't think I'd really want to hang out with them much outside of the apartment. I also don't think it's fair that I should pay them $150 to use two pots, a plate and utensils and shower curtain.  The living room looks like a prison with the blank walls (minus the christmas lights and two posters I brought). I brought the $200 tv, and we don't even have a microwave which I'm willing to buy. I should be giving you each $15 at the most. Also, I will sleep until whatever time I want, eat whenever I want, and eat standing up if I want, and you have no right to tell me not to. You are not my mother. Actually, I wouldn't even let my mother tell me to do that. I just want to live with people I love, feel comfortable with, and have fun living with. I miss my friends. I don't understand how I can make dozens of new friends in one night at a contra dance but I've been at Purchase for months and not made one friend I feel comfortable with who I feel actually enjoys my company.

Drove out to California, straight through the desert of Arizona, sweet Texas I'll kiss ya, hope to be back but now I gotta leave you.

I would rather drive across the country and sleep in my car every night than do anything I'm doing or learning in school right now. And my classes aren't even that bad. That's just how much I crave adventure and motion. I cannot stay in one place. I just can't do it. I hate it. I really do. Why can't somebody just take me on tour?

Cause you deserve the very best

I have a lot of friends. But they all live far away. Trying not to be negative here.... but out of all of my friends who I want to see, the closest geographically is 30 miles away. The farthest is 640 miles. Another one is 409 miles. And then there's a few that are 70, 80, 90 miles away and one is 186 miles away. Honestly, it's going to be hard to force myself to stay here this coming weekend even though I won't be here Thursday night into Friday and will be out Saturday for the night. Friends, please stop being so far away. Life with limited friends in your general vicinity is hard :(

I keep having dreams of things I need to do

You know when you see one of your favorite bands live and you scream sing your heart out, find yourself just staring up the stage in amazement and happiness, and everything is perfect no matter what is going on in your life? Tonight was one of those. Thank you, Frank Turner. Thank you for an amazing night, and for amazing music and inspiration and for listening to my mix CD I made for you on repeat (even if it was only because you had no other CDs) and for just being you. I am so glad that you have become one of my favorite musical artists and that you and your music are apart of my life<3

Everything will be alright

How is it possible that things can go from being so shitty to absolutely wonderful in the matter of an hour? Before I left for class I was feeling pretty down about not having a lot of friends at school. By the end of class I had an email saying that I can move into an on campus apartment on Wednesday, a voicemail for an interview at a coffee shop I put an application in weeks ago for that I'd love to work at, and Frank Turner is now in Connecticut! This week is busy, busy for me indeed.

I got friends in high and low places

I had such a wonderful weekend. Friday night I drove up to Greenfield, Massachusetts and went to the famous contra dance there. It was definitely one of the better dances I've been to. During the break I called my friend and found out she would be coming to the dance in New Haven the next day along with her sister, so during the dance in Greenfield as great as it was, I was also excited about the next night. That night I went back to my friend's house... well more like cabin shack in the middle of nowhere Vermont and we watched The Shining until 3am, went to bed, woke up and got a delicious lunch at a diner nearby. I think that was actually the first time I'd been to Vermont, and it was only about 20 minutes in from the Massachusetts border but it was still the middle of nowhere. But beautiful, and I'm excited to go back and see it in October once the leaves have really started changing. Around 1:30, I hit the road and in two and a half hours I made it to Brewster, picked up my friend, went to pick up her sister at the subway in the Bronx and booked it to New Haven. There was an accident somewhere near New Milford on 95 (when is there not?) and I made it a point to go on local roads to get around it. Not sure if it actually made it quicker, but we made it to the dance with just enough time to get a little bit of the beginners class in for my friends. At first I had trouble getting them to find a partner, but I think by the middle they seemed to feel a little bit more comfortable and definitely looked like they were having fun. I know I sure was, and seeing my friends enjoying something that I love made me smile even more. And after going to six dances within the past year (it's hard for me to believe that it's really only that few...I feel like I must be missing some, but maybe not), I finally feel like I can consider myself experienced at my seventh contra dance. I can most definitely say that I am addicted to it and love it, even though I've never danced in the same city twice (but that will change within the next few weeks!).

Speaking of the next few weeks, I have dances in all different cities planned for the next five weekends. This Friday is a dance on a boat in Brooklyn, Saturday is the Chinatown dance (which I have a free pass for from my first dance ever last year). The following week no contra dances, but I think I am going to a swing dance Thursday in New Paltz. The next week, my bestest friend ever who got me to love this wonderful thing is coming down to visit and we're going to Greenfield on Friday and Stamford on Saturday. Following that is Fall Ball in New Hampshire which is 12 hours of dancing on Saturday. Then finally I will be visiting my friend in Rhode Island and bringing her along to a dance near her. By the end of October I will have danced in 7 cities, 5 states, and 2 countries (and that's not including English & Swing dances!). I am really glad that I am doing this because I've met some great friends and gone on some amazing adventures from doing it. Not having friends at school gets extremely frustrating and lonely during the week, but I am so excited and happy that I have such great friends everywhere else and I get to visit them on the weekends. Oh and not to mention that Tuesday I'm seeing Frank Turner again with two friends!! I just want to skip the next few weeks and go straight to the weekends!

Do you want to get away, get in the car we can leave today

Just give me unlimited fuel for both me and my car for the rest of my life and I'll be happy.
I can't take being alone in this town. I don't really have the money for it, but I'm going to Massachusetts/Vermont to go contra dancing tonight and visit my friend. I'll go crazy if I just sit here all night. More later.

There is no god

Brothers and sisters, have you heard the news?
The storm has lifted and there’s nothing to lose,
So swap your confirmation for your dancing shoes,
Because there never was no God.
Step out of the darkness and onto the streets,
Forget about the fast, let’s have a carnival feast,
Raise up your lowered head to hear the liberation beat,
Because there never was no God.

There is no God,
So clap your hands together,
There is no God,
No heaven and no hell.
There is no God,
We’re all in this together,
There is no God,
So ring that victory bell.

No cowering in the dark before these overbearing priests,
Not waiting until we die until we restitute the meek,
No blaming all our failings on imaginary beasts,
Because there never was no God.
No fighting over land your distant fathers told you of,
Not spilling blood for those who have never spread a drop of blood,
No finger pointing justified by fairies up above,
Because there never was no God.

There is no God,
So clap your hands together,
There is no God,
No heaven and no hell.
There is no God,
We’re all in this together,
There is no God,
So ring that victory bell.

And I know you’re scared of dying man and I am too,
But just pretending it’s not happening isn’t gonna see us through,
So just accept that there’s an end game and we haven’t got much time,
And then in the here and now we can try and do things right.
Forget about the crazy things that people have believed,
And think of wondrous things that normal people have achieved,
‘Cos I’ve known beauty in the stillness of cathedrals in the day,
I sang Glory Hallelujah! Won’t you wash my sins away?
But now I’m singing my refrain and this is what I say,
I say there never was no God.

I love this song. Frank Turner, you complete me. I am getting really frustrated on this topic. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion, and this is mine:

I don't understand how you can say that a figure in history controls your life and actions. I mean, if "god" was a real thing or person, why on earth is it depicted in so many different ways? A person or figure is one definite body or structure. Nothing is everywhere except oxygen. And even if you believe all the stories, how can you say that this god thing is what gives you the power to do great things? Everything we do has to do with our own willpower and talent that WE are born with or acquire. It is your passion and drive. Not your belief and dedication to this figure. It just makes me extremely uncomfortable and annoyed when people tell me to "pray for them". Especially when it's for something having to do with their work or art. No, I'm not going to fucking pray for you to do well with your art. That's up to you to create beautiful work, make contacts to come to see your art, and simply have the passion for what you do. Yes, other people may influence your work, but when it comes down to it, those things are dependent on YOU, not anybody or anything else. I don't have an issue with people believing what they want, but I really don't think I could ever be close friends with somebody who is extremely religious. I don't think I could handle hearing so much about how jesus and god has saved them and affected them. Believe what you want, but I think it's all a load of crap and I don't think I'd get along well with people with such strong beliefs the opposite of me. Actually, I can't even think about this anymore, it frustrates me so much.

$$$

Money is such a pain, and I feel like I'm always thinking about it. With a few exceptions, every transaction I can see in my bank account has been at gas stations, food establishments, the MTA, and CVS. That means 90% of my money goes to gas/transportation, food and my medications. I feel like I spend so much money and other people probably judge me for it, but honestly, none of it is material items. They are all experiences. My money goes to traveling and eating out, which is technically an experience. And I hate being home, I love being out on the go, which involves spending money, which is why it's so hard to not spend it. My money from my last job is all gone, but fortunately I was able to get some money from selling my ipod and my mom gave me some for the month. The unfortunate side is that 100 of it must go to a ticket. Driving can be a pain in the ass sometimes, as much as I love it. Hopefully I'll be getting a new job soon (fingers crossed the one I just interviewed for calls me back!). But at the same time, I hope that won't ruin my weekends that I now have free to go out and have fun. Well, we shall see soon.

Something to live for

This past week has been pretty busy for me with class, internship, trip to Borders to spend the last of my money on books 70% off, random drive to New Haven, job interview, day at the lake, contra and English dances. But it was yesterday, while I was tubing on Candlewood Lake with my whole family watching me laughing, how great my life is. How lucky I am to have this wonderful family who invites me to their house to go swimming, tubing, takes me to a restaurant on a boat, and even adores my best friend. When I get there, they are excited to see me and when I leave they tell me to come back whenever I want. And while I was on the tube bouncing up and down from the waves, I found myself looking up at the sky and appreciating this beautiful, early, still warm September day. I thought about all of this. About everything I have. Okay, so I have had a lot of friends come and go in my life, and I don't have a significant other and not a lot of friends at my school, but I've got so many people that love me. The past year I think I have done a lot of growing up, and came to a lot of great realizations. It was the first year that I was at home and not being forced to go to school (meaning high school). Everything in my life the past year that I've done, I chose to do. I've made a lot of friends and become a lot closer to my family and realized how much they mean to me. 

Yesterday was just one of those days that I felt extremely productive. I left the house at 9:45 in the morning, went for a job interview that I think I did pretty well at, got up to my aunt and uncle's lake house right before noon, spent some time just hanging out on the dock with my little cousins, had lunch, went swimming in the pond, went tubing on the lake, spent at least 45 minutes just being silly and laughing until my stomach hurt with my 13 year old cousin and the 8 year old twins, went to the Red Rooster and they bought me dinner, went straight to Stamford for a contra dance at which I knew nobody. So I may have spent my day with people three times as old as me and kids half my age, but it was a great one.

Stop pacing around and waiting for some moment that might never arrive

This year is going to be different, and I know I say that every year but this time I mean it. While I haven't really made any new friends, within the first week of school I've walked up to 50 strangers for signatures to put myself into the ballot for school senate, put an application in for the school radio to either have a radio show or intern, found out I am second on the wait list for housing (although two weeks later I still haven't moved up...), gotten two As and an 85 (on a pop quiz I was totally unprepared for), and I've even hung out with some old friends from high school who also go here. This year I am going to get involved and I'm going to get my grades up. I say I will never be an A student but maybe I can. Or at least a B+ student. In my honest opinion, a huge part of college and the most useful part about it isn't the information that you  learn in classes, but the people you meet. Connections. I think that is the key to success.

Yes, I am bummed that I have not yet met anybody new who I'd actually keep in close contact with, but I am not going to let that get me down. I am going to look on the bright side. I do have one or two friends on campus and their friends. That is a start. After all, that is how you meet people quite often- through mutual friends. That is how I met both of my ex boyfriends, through other friends/friend's friends. My goals this semester are to make new friends, get involved on campus, and bring up my GPA to at least a 3.0. I won't let the little things get to me. I won't let winter turn me into a hermit this year. I will go out, even if it is just my spot in the music building. I will sit alone if I have to in a public place. I will enjoy myself. I will be happy with where I am and who I am.

Fresh start

I am starting this blog as a fresh start. School has started again and it is a different time than my last blog was. I won't even talk about what has changed since that one or anything about the past. This blog is for the present, because I will always have loads to talk about!